I have nine children. My only regret in regard to that is that I don’t have 10 or 12.
I consider being a parent one of the greatest blessings this life has to offer. God commands us to have children; Darwin says it’s the only reason we exist. Culture after culture around the world celebrates children and the people who have them.
Being a parent is the best.
It’s also none of anybody else’s business.
And that includes JD Vance, my party’s candidate for vice president.
A young man and new to his faith and politics, he has an enthusiasm and absolutism that are a reflection of his life experience and maturity. And that’s fine. Part of learning is sometimes being wrong, but part of being an adult is going easy on declaring other people wrong.
Like women who don’t have children.
Old quotes have surfaced – and been defended – in which women in politics who don’t have children have been criticized, either mocked or declared to have no stake in society and its future. Somehow they are devalued because they are not mothers, because they have not borne children.
Decent people recoil from those criticisms.
There are any number of reasons why a person may not become a parent, and not a single one of them is any of anybody else’s business. Some are happily childless because of personal choice, that is their business. Some are sadly childless for reasons beyond their control, and that is their tragedy. The role of other people in regard to their childlessness is simple and straightforward – to be loving and supporting, and to keep their nose where it belongs.
Some women have no children because they never meet a man worthy of them or with whom they fall in love, or because they or their husbands are physically unable to have children. Some women have no children because they are gay, or because they carry a genetic characteristic which would ravage any child they carry. We are a nation with a high incidence of infertility, afflicting both men and women, countless millions of whom would happily be parents if they could.
Not having children can be a choice, but it can also be a curse, a sad burden which crushes childhood dreams and leaves an empty place in the heart. To further hurt such women by stigmatizing them and demeaning them is illogical, unkind and un-Christian.
And asserting that the fact one does not have children leaves them no stake in the future and unworthy for social or political leadership is ridiculous. George Washington, the father of our country, had no children. James Madison, the father of our Constitution, had no children. Susan B. Anthony, the mother of women’s suffrage, had no children. Rosa Parks, the mother of equal rights, had no children. Yet, can you imagine an America without any of those individuals’ leadership and influence?
Being a parent is a blessing, but not everyone receives that blessing. It can be because of personal choice, or because of personal affliction – either way, the key word is “personal,” and like any other aspect of our health or sexual lives it is none of anybody else’s business.
I disagree with Kamala Harris and do not want her to be president because I reject her political views, not because she has not personally borne children. In regard to any aspect of her family life, all I can do is wish her the best and hope that she and her family are happy and healthy, just as I would presume she would wish for me and mine.
The traditional, nuclear family – mom, dad and the kids – is the basic unit of society and the cornerstone of any successful civilization. It is also the greatest source of profound joy in human existence. It is something to be promoted and celebrated, and cultures around the world do just that. But family and childbearing are encouraged not by criticism, but by rejoicing.
If JD Vance wants to criticize the politics of his opponents, good, he should do so. If he wants to promote marriage and childbearing, good, he should do so. But those two things are different and unrelated when they involve the personal circumstances of individuals.
Yes, the Democratic Party is anti-family and anti-childbearing and, yes, that should be shouted from the rooftops. That philosophy is evil and should be challenged as such, and the joys of family and parenthood should be encouraged. But individual situations are individual and private.
We should tell people how much we love being parents; we should not criticize others for not being parents. One is the proclamation of truth; the other is the sin of judgementalism.
And you can’t do the right thing the wrong way.
You can’t promote parenthood by vilifying the childless.
Love of kids can’t manifest as hatred of neighbor.