Dear Harry and Joe,
I saw on the news about the letter you got, the anonymous scrawl that called you slurs and swore at you and ended with “God hates queers.”
Not that you need me to tell you, but He doesn’t.
And the troubled writer of that note doesn’t speak for anyone but himself.
I’m not a rainbow-flag waver, and I don’t wear the “Ally” sticker on gay day at the state fair. But I believe in a nation of equals, and a faith of brotherhood. And I believe that hurtful is hurtful and rude is rude, and wrong is wrong.
And I’m not the only one.
And we believe not just in your right to be, but in your right to be respected and loved. So while you’re getting unsolicited letters commenting on your orientation, I thought I’d add mine, and not let the ravings of someone laboring in confusion be the last word on the subject.
First of all, as to the slur. Any word used as an appellation, to characterize or identify someone or some member of a group that isn’t “brother” or “sister,” misses the mark and is inaccurate. Because that is our basic relationship. No matter how we identify, that is the fundamental identification for us all – we are brothers and sisters. We are children of a common God and citizens of the same Republic.
One commands us to love one another and treat others as we would want to be treated, and the other declares in its first breath that we are all created equal, and that we count as an inalienable right the pursuit of our own happiness.
Your happiness and mine may be different, but my right to pursue mine is bound inseparably to your right to pursue yours, and vice versa.
I am only as free as you are, and vice versa, and we are similarly linked to every American everywhere.
And we can suffer bigotry against any American only to the degree we would tolerate bigotry against ourselves.
My freedom to be me is diminished by every assault on your freedom to be you.
So deplore, ignore and forgive those bound by the chains of prejudice, and take comfort and encouragement in the words of supporters and friends, known and unknown. Hate demands disproportionate attention, shouting its vile attacks above the crowd, but it is a solitary voice in a society teaming with quiet good. In times of adversity and discouragement, listen hard to hear the quiet good.
The note you received made reference to Tim Mains, a city councilman and school administrator, a good man whose career in and service to Rochester were cut short by bigotry. One of the era’s most competent local elected officials, and an intensely dedicated school administrator, he was denied advancement in the city school district because he was a gay white man. He refused to allow that to harm him, but it is undeniable it harmed the school system he could have expertly led, and students and a community suffered as a result.
And so it is with every bigotry.
It is targeted at one or a group, but it harms all, it diminishes everyone and robs a community or a country of the power and warmth of cooperation and common cause. The more colors you take out of the crayon box, the duller your picture becomes, the less resourceful and resilient your community becomes, the farther short of our shared destiny we all fall.
We fail in the second great commandment – to love our neighbor. And we reject the equality of our declared independence.
And we don’t want to do either of those things.
I’m sorry about the note. I hope the person who wrote it soon sees the error of his ways. I hope you are comforted by the likely outpouring of love and support you have received from friend and stranger alike.
And I hope we are as free with our friendship and support as some are with their anger and bile.
We are not always going to agree. We may sometimes actively oppose. We will see large issues differently.
But we should always love.
And I didn’t want that note to confuse that point.
Kindly,
An old, straight, white man who voted for Trump