LONSBERRY: Hey Kate, Meet Your Boy Joey

Hey, Kate, I see you’re in town today.


               It must be a personal thrill for you to travel around and announce projects Andy put together. What is it today? Oh, yeah, a massive infusion of state and county money to move a corporate headquarters 15 miles from Victor to Rochester.

               Wow. That’ll do wonders for the state’s economic development.

               Though, I see your point, anytime you can move jobs from a Republican county to a Democrat county that’s a good thing, right? I mean, especially since Tish did that soft launch on MSNBC last week. That must have scared the living hell out of you. I mean, nothings says “political death knell” quite like facing a popular black female progressive who’s never been endorsed by the NRA in a Democrat primary.

               Oh, and she’s from New York City. Sure, it’s no Hamburg, but it’ll do.

               And when does this corporate headquarters move? In two and a half years? Huh. That’s like so long from now that it might never actually happen, right? Two and a half years sounds an awful lot like “the check is in the mail.”

               By then you’ll have been out of office for, what, a year and a half? No worries. Bill’s got that gig at Delaware North that’ll keep you in the big coin. Though, being honest, that goes away when your Albany job goes away, right? I mean, he’s great and all, but that’s a little bit like Hunter’s paintings, right? Because career criminal prosecutors always get top-dollar corporate lawyer jobs when they retire.

               But that’s a tangent.

               I wanted to ask you a favor. Seeing as how you’re in town and all and probably have an extra seat on the Cuomo Copter, I wonder if when you left, to go back to whatever swamp it is you live in, if you could take one of your pals with you.

His name's Joseph Rivera. He's 21.

Last July, on Chili Avenue, the police believe he took a hatchet to a 47-year-old woman. Her name was Heather Majors. But you don't give a damn about that, do you? She was a victim. And Democrats don't give two hoots in hell about victims.

But I digress.

Your boy Joey is alleged to have taken a hatchet to Heather Majors, savagely striking her more than 30 times. That's 75 percent of a Lizzie Bordon. He destroyed this poor woman. That's what the police believe. And that's what the police and the DA were putting together to put before a grand jury.

Then you effed it up.

Good job, Andy Jr.

See, a couple of weeks after poor Ms Majors was chopped to death, Parole picked up your boy Joey for a list of violations as long as your arm. At that point the Rochester Police Department -- which used to be a thing, until Lovely effed it up -- told Parole that it was looking at your boy Joey for murder. Parole told the defunded RPD not to worry, because your boy Joey was in jail on hard paper until December. So the cops and the DA and the crime lab kept working on putting their ducks in a row to present the murder of Ms Majors to a grand jury. All was good.

Then Tish did that soft launch on MSNBC and you crapped your pants.

And the next day you were turning felons loose. Something about oppression and supremacy and, well, a lot of stuff you Democrats like to say. The entire state is up in arms over parole -- and the fact the large majority of the most heinous crimes are committed by parolees -- and you get it exactly ass backwards. Instead of toughening parole to make it a tool for the protection of the public, you gutted it to make it a tool for the advancement of your career.

So help me, if you name a damn bridge after your father.

But I digress, again. Anyway, Kate, so that you could out-liberal Tish, you had to reach out to core Democrat primary voters and shout "Viva la Revolution!" or "I love you, Che!" or something like that. You not only signed legislation fresh from the stinking Democrat orifice -- "Less Is More" -- you also turned hundreds of felons loose all across the state. 

For the same reason a dog licks his privates -- because he can.

You opened the doors and let felons walk loose.

Including your boy Joey.

Without even notifying local parole officers, without asking any details, without regard to any case specifics or criminal histories, you turned loose hundreds of parole violators.

And one suspected hatchet murderer who, for review, dissected an innocent and defenseless middle-aged woman. 

That's what you did, Kate. Yesterday morning at 9 a.m., by your high and holy order, your boy Joey walked loose. In the parlance, that's called "shitting the bed." It's not good.

They had to send out the violent fugitive task force to find him. Fortunately for innocent people across the community, they found him. Probably the way your party effed up the whole bail system he'll be on the streets before lunch, but right now, briefly, we have him.

And we don't want him. If you comrades want him running loose, how about you let him run loose up by your house. Hamburg or Albany, it doesn't matter. Just pack him off and take him away.

It's like at WalMart, Kate: You broke it, you bought it. 

And you broke it. You're not the solution, you're a cheap imitation of the problem. Different train, same track. Andy Jr. 

So, after your BS economic development announcement, after you pose with your Garbage Plate, swing by the county jail and pick up your boy Joey.

And take him with you. We don't want him, or your party's crook-loving stupidity. 

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